Glorious Jobs

It is nearly impossible to not think of dream jobs while pondering one's unemployment. Lately, however, I have been thinking about jobs that I think most people overlook. Here is a list I put together.

Glorious Job List (in no order)

WWE Writer - Yes, wrestling is scripted. I'm sorry if I burst any bubbles. How awesome would it be to say, "I was the one who came up with the idea of having Mae Young give birth to a hand with Mark 'Sexual Chocolate' Henry"? It is like writing soap operas mixed with science fiction. Anything goes. Everything I wrote would include Stone Cold Steve Austin as a guest referee, however, and that's the bottom line.

Porn Writer - Yes, porn is also scripted. Sorry to limp any penises. I have often wondered how the script looks for a porn and how detailed it is. Regardless, thinking of lines/titles for porn must be the greatest job known to man.

Movie Reviewer - You have to be fat, have an opinion and know how to spell "thumbs up" or "thumbs down". Must be hard.

Porn Reviewer - Yes, there are people who seriously review porn. I do not know how you could sit through an entire porn and critique it. I'd have to stand........a lot.

Cartoon Voice - You get to be an actor, but do not have to worry about your appearance or the public caring about you.

Translator - Now I believe this profession goes highly unnoticed. Imagine being a translator for an athlete. You literally sit on the bench and in the locker room and speak. You may even get lucky and get a guy like Ichiro Suzuki who says brilliant things such as:

"If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying."

On Wrigley Field: "[I'm reminded of a stadium I played in while growing up in Japan], it had a similar smell of fresh garbage.”

On facing Daisuke Matsuzaka for the first time: "I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul."

I need to learn to speak Ichiro.

Video Game Tester - See "Movie Reviewer" entree. Basically any reviewer, tester or critic would be a glorious job (Comedy Reviewer, Food critic..etc). You literally try new things and voice your opinion. How someone becomes an "expert" in food, movies or video games enough to get paid for their opinion, I have no idea. We all have been raised on all three categories, I'd say we are all experts.

Reality TV Star - Be ridiculously annoying and get paid for spin offs you are apart of or televised contests where you can actually win money. For example, be a crazy girl on Rock of Love or Flava of Love then you have a chance to win 50,000 dollars at Charm School or I Love Money then proceed to get your own show called I Love (insert crazy girl's name). What do the resumes of these people look like is my question?

Sports Radio - Tell people your opinions on sports and take calls from idiotic fans. I do that every weekend at the bar, but do not get paid 6 figures for it. In most cases you do not even need any type of real credentials like, I don't know, a degree in Journalism. For example, Dan Hampton who is on 670 the Score in Chicago, is a former football player and current moronic meathead, but still he gets paid to fill our ears with more stupid information than we can handle or Mike North, currently working for Comcast Sports in Chicago, was a former hot dog vendor, but has a ridiculously over exaggerated Chicago accent and therefore has work. What did Mike North's resume look like? Hot dog engineer? If you're loud and annoying, you will get paid in the media business no matter what is coming out of your mouth (Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann..etc)

With this job comes an inflated ego as well, so be sure to move common sense out of the way in your brain for a "I'm smarter than everyone" attitude.

President of the United States - The only job you have four years of job security no matter how bad of a job you do.