Checklist

The front page of ESPN.com has become so predictable as I have grown up, it is like walking through my house in the dark. I can feel around and pretty much guess exactly what it will say. Since I have been avoiding ESPN at all costs because I enjoy intelligent, unbiased sports chatter, I have yet to visit the site today, but I'm sure I can predict what it will have based on the simple fact that ESPN is ridiculously biased and predictable in its endeavors toward pushing stereotypes in sports instead of giving us the real updated information we want. It attempts to make sports a soap opera when the sports themselves have all the drama you need.

ESPN Front Page Hypothesis

1. Main story will be about Brett Favre retiring considering it was the main story last year when it did not actually happen.

2. Something about UNC and Duke having the greatest rivalry in sports because they play against each other tonight. This will be based on absolutely nothing of course and in 5 months ESPN will be claiming the Red Sox and Yankees have the greatest rivalry in sports. The Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings literally fight every time they play each other, but you better believe that rivalry will not even be mentioned.

3. Something about the Red Sox that has nothing to do with a trade or any real update on the team.

4. Steroids! Steroids! Steroids!

5. Some athlete getting arrested I'm sure. Leading idiotic fans to tell me that player isn't good based on what they do with their private lives instead of what they do in games. Most human beings are bad people, not just athletes. Not to mention only good players' terrible deeds are documented. I will put money on the claim that a guy like Scott Spiezio cheats on his wife, but you will never hear about it because he's Scott Spiezio. Who cares? So do not tell me A-rod is a worse human being for supposedly cheating on his wife when I'm sure 90 percent of baseball players do the same; 85 percent of them are not good enough for us to care however.

6. An actual deal that was made. But who cares we have to keep reading all the dirty stuff about athletes and how great the eastcoast is.

Survey Says?

1. Brett Favre's retirement - Check.

2. "Crazy Good: Lost in the hoopla surrounding UNC-Duke? A win in the rivalry never comes easily. Wednesday night will be no different." - It was suprisingly not mentioned in the video blog that was connected to the front page. Of course there were articles about it if you continued clicking.

3. "Francona confident Ortiz, Lowell will be healthy" - It almost pains me that I was correct about this one. Oh ESPN, way to get your Red Sox plug in there. Do not mention Carlos Quentin and Chase Utley's health on the front page. They were only MVP candidates and, in Utley's case, in the world series.

4. "Tejada pleads guilty to lying to Congress" - Easy one.

5. I'm going to count the Tejada headline for this one. Also Eddy Curry returning was a headline after all the controversy surrounding him.

6. ESPN actually did some sports reporting and found out Adam Dunn signed with the Nationals and Bobby Abreu signed with the Angels. Bravo, ESPN.

I'm going to continue doing this every once and awhile. Not every day because getting these things right just sickens me based on the fact so many people depend on ESPN for sporting news and this is what they get. Steroids, controversy, eastcoast sports plugs and occasionally sporting news for the rest of the country.

This is Chris Murphy, ESPN (Eastcoast Sports Partisan News).